time spent

when I look back on all the time I spent trying to learn how to live life healthfully I see that much of it was spent to eliminate my own pain; I do not nor have I ever been afraid of any imagined future discomfort mind you, which would be much different, but only hopeful that in some near future by my own doing I could eliminate the discomfort I already endure. On my conscience is whether I shall ever be able to exist in such a future; having spent so much time on this pursuit it has been to my detriment to have lost that time in trying to make a living for myself and to learn how to make enough money to live health conditions or not... do I accept this lot and move on and live with it? Would doing so lead me to a place mentally where I could overcome that which I hadn't enough positive attitude before to accomplish?