Obsession
I am, more often these past few, quite consumed with my obsessions, such as those, for instance, that I might have with certain people. I also often question the very normalcy of my day to day life. How much more removed from that spirituality I once experienced can I possibly become, and out of what concern for practicality must I find myself inclined to do so many things which seem at best reasonable. Damn. I might even be getting PO'd over here... wait a minute. Not just yet.
posted by undererasure at 6/28/2005 08:09:00 PM
AMYYANG
6 Comments:
You talk. I listen. There's nothing wrong with that. Don't get PO'd. What about normalcy is there to question?
6/29/2005 12:06 AM
RrrRAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! (my outbreak is to be compared to that of Will Ferrell's in his turn as Oliver, the unfortunate morning talk show host who faces what's known in the business as.. technical times...) "We must use the furniture to build a barricade!"
7/01/2005 8:38 PM
It's just that you can think yourself in million little circles and often it seems like your biggest lead is going to be the thing you end up resenting the most later on. I noticed for instance this inclination I have towards caring for people, doing things to help them, and it seems reasonable to pursue the designation "healer", though I swear to friggin allah sometimes that I really only badly want it for myself and am doing it to show others how its done in the belief that I can be the change that I need. Frankly, I am scared to condemn myself to a world of servicing those who have come to depend on others, and therefore attracting just such people, the type who will take and not return the favor, struggling amongst a field of idealists or power/money hungry go-getters, only to wake up one day 10 years older with half-color memories. I guess you have to remember that I have the "fear of embracing the things that I love" as I perceive them to have gotten me bad health, and perhaps subsequently the relative loss of my dearest friends. -whew, good entry. period.
7/04/2005 2:19 PM
Your obsession blog entry resonates so much with me, I am quivering, and will no doubt not be able to release this feeling all day and night. I do not know how to cure myself of it either--but then, it keeps life interesting internally, at least, although I do not know if I will ever be able to live in the now without releasing (at least some of) my obsessiveness and its objects. But, if I succeed at healing myself, will my present life be empty?
7/13/2005 3:48 PM
I think I'm starting to understand the meaning of your original post a little better. I also suspect I know who "anonymous" is.
I also obsess and I also almost without fail resent it later, because the object of my obsession doesn't come close to fulfilling the ideal that is the reason for obsessing in the first place. But the cycle invariably continues. It makes me wonder whether I'm any different than any of the rest of them whose obsessions float from object to object with only a loose correlation to the object's worth. Are there absolutes? I like to think so, but my own thirst for emotional/spiritual satiation makes me question whether even those of us who ponder this stuff are any better off than anyone else. Our minds pulsate after devouring whatever soul food -- nourishing or not -- is most readily available to us in a given instance.
I think maybe that's what I admire most about you, e -- you seem to have the will power to try and seek out whatever it is you're hungry for in those instances rather than the first thing that will quell the pangs, even if you're still having difficulty finding it.
7/18/2005 11:24 PM
I am rereading this as I am reading about St. Augustine, who talks of a "City of Earth" vs. a "City of God." While I generally do not consider myself to acknowledge the "existence" of a "God" per se, passages therein are building a bridge between where I was and that place quite possibly of faith that so many people claim so fervently. The catch here is that I read what he says with it in my mind that God is a proxy and/or that these philosophers were very VERY smart/intuitive.
10/28/2009 2:21 AM
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